get out of the house whenever I can, there is nothing waiting for me at home other than thinking
Late night coffee shops are the best thing I’ve ever been put onto. I am in the process of making a list of places to go so I can rotate through the places or maybe just find one that I really like and go there all the time. At home all I do is sit and think and wonder if that noise which was very clearly my fridge was someone at the door.
take up the offer to go somewhere for my birthday or make it happen by myself
I do not need to be at home for a birthday that I thought I would get to spend with someone else. There are things to do that nobody else will do with me, and even though going places is expensive, what else is life for other than filling my brain with cool memories?
A week later, now that I think more about leaving my house, I think that would actually be what killed me in the end so I will just hope that a friend or a cat who desperately wants a home shows up to surprise me this Friday.
read as much as I can while I still can
I have found myself extremely productive now that I have nobody else to think about besides myself. Last night I got back into my old habits: finding a place to sit and then ripping through a book in one go. I feel extremely accomplished and annoyingly empty at the same time. At least I can remember what I read.
try sleeping in my bed again and just take some kind of screen with me so I can have voices on while I sleep
This is mostly because my shoulders started hurting again from being squished on the IKEA couch I have in my living room. I think tonight I will take my laptop and a charger and hope that while I toss and turn at night the laptop doesn’t fall off the bed. I need to wash my sheets though because they’ve been dirty since last Wednesday.
One and a half weeks later I can sleep in my bed, but only if I follow a very specific routine: I must fall asleep the wrong way on the couch with Sex and the City on (volume at 6 max) and then when I wake up between the hours of 2-4am, I move with my pillow and blanket to my bed. I can then wake up alone in bed like I will do for the next however many years.
do not dye my hair
I was afraid to dye my hair last year because I didn’t know what other people would think. By Christmas, I will be a redhead like a Lara Adkins redhead and nobody can stop me anymore. Schools don’t dress code red and I have no worries that people will find my new hair ugly.
remember that other people’s views on me do not determine my worth
I am allowed to mourn and love and be sad about people who might not think about me in the same way I think of them, and might never have. It is okay that I do not know what anyone else EVER is thinking and it is okay that I cannot control anything having to do with anyone else. That realization seems to be the theme of this season.
reality TV is the best cure for a breakup and sitcoms will make things worse
This is very true information but I miss watching Gilmore Girls and hate Love is Blind with a passion. Those people need to get a grip on reality and understand Hinge is more productive than this weird blind dating thing. At least on Hinge you get to feel bad about yourself sooner (personally, no thank you). If you must subject yourself to a more hellish modern dating experience, I guess Love is Blind works. Dating apps are free and don’t involve global embarrassment, that’s all I’m saying.
A week later I have discovered that I was supposed to have been watching Love Island and not Love is Blind. The second of those two very similar titles is notoriously bad to watch in these types of situations I’ve found myself in.
My friends and my therapist (who I text at the drop of a pin) are all going to be sick of me very soon, especially after the four hour Olive Garden rant which we tried to convince ourselves was not a public nuisance after we left.